You see, redemption is surrounded by what's broken and painful and dark. In fact, redemption is born out of what is broken and painful and dark. Before the laughter and smiles, there are tears and downcast faces. Before the sunshine and rainbows, there is darkness and rain. And if I'm being really honest, redemption doesn't always have a happy ending regardless.
So if redemption is more than the happy ending, where do you look to see it? There is hope in redemption after all, even when redemption is happening in the hard places.
--in the rain that falls as tears from my eyes that at one time forgot how to cry
--in the shelter of a hug that doesn't leave my skin screaming in pain while the storm rages on around me
--in the brief flash of eye contact with someone who knows too much yet still cares for me deeply
--in speaking, for the first time, a word that exposes cuts so deep it sucks the breath out of my lungs
--in emotions I once only read about but find myself feeling and experiencing, often times confused and scared by the unfamiliarity of them but making the hard choice to keep feeling anyways
Sometimes, redemption can only be seen in the rear view mirror. I caught a glimpse of redemption this way recently. As I looked back on my disclosure three years ago to a pastor who put together a conference for churches dealing with child sexual abuse, something I could not wrap my mind around. I had so many questions for him, mainly looking for ulterior motives. I disclosed, and he responded in a way I never even considered an option. He believed me. He repeatedly assured me it wasn't my fault, and I would not get in trouble for what happened and how it impacted me. At the time, I struggled to believe anything he said. I kept asking him the same questions over and over, and he patiently continued to assure me the answers had not changed. It was a hard season. It was messy and full of doubt, hesitation, push back.
Yet here I am now, three years later, and I see the redemption in that mess. His response, believing me and assuring me again and again it wasn't my fault and I wasn't in trouble, was God's redeeming grace poured out on all my failed disclosures of the past. The disclosures met with disbelief and blaming me stole from me what little voice I had and took my disclosure from me. Then three years ago, I disclosed once more and was met with a radically different response. I could hardly whisper from the safety of my keyboard over email, but he heard me and listened. His response gave me back my disclosure and a small part of my voice. I couldn't see it then. I didn't make it easy for him, but he was patient. It took me years to believe what he said was true, but in the struggles of that summer, the doubt, the mess, redemption was being brought about...now clearly visible in the rear view mirror.
I invite you now to expand your view of redemption, to look into the storm and see redemption happening in the dark places. The sunshine and rainbows only illuminate the redemption that came to life in the rain and tears and hard road already traveled. So in the middle of the broken, the hard, the storms, the mess, know that redemption is happening if you'll only take the time to look. Redemption is messy, because the broken things that need redemption are messy. Please look beyond the happy ending and the smiles. You might be surprised how much redemption you find in the tears.
