Perception is not reality

    This post talks about a lie my coach worked very hard to get me and everyone around me to believe.  There is a bit of redemption in this post though.  This is my twenty-seventh post.  Twenty-seven was my coach's favorite number.  He gave me a necklace once with that number on it.  It had personal significance to him.  Now it has personal repulsiveness to me.  I literally hate the number twenty-seven.  I was thankful that when I was twenty-seven years of age, God blessed me with a child to ease the dread I felt as that year approached.  Now, I reach my twenty-seventh post...a post about breaking free from a lie my coach served up on a silver platter, that I spent too many years believing.  No more.  Post number twenty-seven...one more chain broken.

     My coach used to frequently say "perception is reality."  He said it to all of us on the team, but he particularly said it to the older girls, namely those of us in middle school.  He would explain that what people perceived to be true is what they believed to be true, so what they perceived was reality.  To us kids, it sounded really cool and made sense enough.  We bought into it.  We believed it.  I believed it.  And I didn't know how much I believed it until over 15 years later.
     My coach fully believed this when he said it.  He wanted those around him to believe it too.  He created a perception of himself that he needed others around him to buy into in order for him to get what he wanted...me.  This saying of his really played off of people's natural tendency to bring their own perceptions and preconceived notions to any given situation or circumstance.  I couldn't see the manipulation in it until almost a year ago, and even now I struggle to understand it all and how someone could so carefully construct an environment where that kind of thing went unnoticed for years.
   
     But here's the thing...

Perception is NOT reality!

     About a year ago, I first realized how incredibly manipulative and calculated he was in his use of that phrase and setting up the reality he wanted others to perceive in order to get his way.  As time has gone on though, I have come to understand how deeply I have held on to that lie of his and how not true it really is.  

     

     In every situation and circumstance I encounter, I bring my own perspective, ideas, and beliefs.  I let those perceptions color how I view the situation or circumstance.  I may, for example, get cut off in traffic.  I bring my own beliefs about how one should drive and who drives the way the other person did, that I make judgments about what is real in the situation.  I perceive the driver to be a jerk and careless and inconsiderate.  But I don't have the whole truth.  I may not be aware that the person is rushing through traffic to make it to the hospital where a loved one has been taken following a life threatening accident.  The person is not a jerk or careless or inconsiderate.  They are scared out of their mind and preoccupied with awful thoughts and questions.  They are in a situation that deserves compassion not judgement and anger.  My perceptions were not reality.  They were a version of reality, but they were not the full reality.

     My feelings can also alter my perception of what is real in a situation.  For example, a friend could say something in a conversation that I found hurtful though she did not intend to hurt me and did not know I may react like that.  Given the past I have, I assume I have done something wrong to make my friend mad at me.  My feelings color my perception of the conversation, and I believe I have angered my friend somehow.  What I perceive to be true, is not actually reality.  My friend just made a comment without realizing it would cause me pain.  I never made her mad.  My perceptions were not reality.

     This also comes into play with God.  It is so easy on this journey to feel like God is far away, that He has left me all alone, that He doesn't care.  Those feelings, those perceptions, are not reality.  No matter what I feel or think, God has promised to be with me.  How I feel on any given day does not change this.  Anything I perceive that is the opposite of Him being with me is not reality, no matter how real it feels.  No matter what I think or feel, God says He cares about me, and He loves me.  I cannot lose that.  It is mine not by my own merit but because He loved me from the beginning of time.  My perceived feelings about His love and care do not tell the reality of His love for me on those dark days when I feel abandoned.  When I feel He couldn't possibly love me and doesn't care one bit, my perceptions are not reality.  

     In day to day life, in situations and circumstances that involve other people, it is so hard to keep my perceptions from coloring my view of things.  I don't always have the other side to the situation.  I can't always find out the side of reality I can't see from my vantage point.  Sometimes, my perceptions are all I have.  Other time, what is real is so different from how I have perceived things to be that it is hard to accept what is reality when I find it out.  It just isn't easy to remember that my perceptions are not always right when other people are involved.  I try to remember, though, and to hold my perceptions loosely.

     God gives me a weapon against my perceptions of Him.  He gives me His promises, His truth, that will always fight the lies my perceptions try to tell me.  When I feel He is far from me, that He has walked away and left me in my darkness and hurt, I have His word and the promises that He will always be with me to fight what I perceive to be reality with what really is reality.  This is one of the best gifts He has given me on this journey...His truth to fight the lie that perception is reality.

My perceptions of God cannot nullify His promises to me.  

He is faithful to His promises whether I perceive Him to be or not.

Perception is NOT reality!

     Let us all remember, in any circumstance we are in, there are other perspectives, other truths, other sides to each story that must be mixed with our own perspective and perceptions in order to see the full reality. Hold your perceptions loosely. Remember what you perceive to be true may not be reality at all.

     My precious sisters, there is tremendous hope and comfort in this! What we perceive to be true, is not always so. Cling to His promises, especially when they scratch and chafe against the perceptions you hold in the moment. Take comfort in knowing that what you perceive to be reality really isn't. He is still with you, even when you feel alone. He still loves you more deeply than you can imagine, even when you feel discarded. It won't change your feelings. I won't pretend that it makes it easier. Sometimes, though, it brings a peace and comfort in the harsh darkness that helps you press on. His promises push through your perceptions, dear one. They always will.