"Therefore encourage one another and build one another up,
just as you are doing." 1 Thessalonians 5:11
A number of years ago, when I still thought the church was safe and that the church would care about the deep hurts I carry, this verse was used to keep me silent. I had reached out for help. I didn't know what kind of help I needed, but I knew that some things I was having a really hard time with were somehow connected to my past abuse. I was put in touch with a lady at the church I attended at the time who was said to have some training in counseling people who had been abused. I was scared, but I wanted to believe she could show me hope.
My belief that there was hope and help and care in the church quickly came crashing down as she told me to ask God to show me what part of the abuse I had caused and to repent of that. I was a child, but I had been old enough to know better. I was at least partly at fault for the sins committed against me. She also told me I should not ever speak of what happened again. She said talking about my story would only serve to tear down the body of Christ. We are to encourage one another and build each other up, I was told. My story could not do that. My past would discourage and tear others down.
After that, I gave up hoping that anything would ever get better. I thought it wasn't safe for me to be around other Christians if my past came with me. God was clearly not going to heal anything. I shouldn't be hurt to begin with. At that point, I stopped praying for help. I resigned myself to a life of hiding. I just gave up, and I was very careful to keep silent. I did not want to hurt other people with my story. I did not want to tear anyone down.
Last year, God moved my family and placed us at a church that, as it turns out, really does care. I have been unlearning a lot of lies that I never should have learned in the first place. I have seen first hand how the church should care and does care. I am learning that there is hope. God can heal. God does care. Even a past like mine is not beyond the reach of God.
But the lie that my story will only discourage and tear down others is one that has been hard to get past. I am getting real help now. In that process though, I have found times where I am afraid to be truthful for fear of tearing others down with my story. I have been encouraged to look at that counsel I received so many years ago and examine its truthfulness in Scripture, to question whether that counsel is right. I haven't really known exactly how to do that, but God has been faithful to teach me even as I haven't known how to go about looking for truth.
Recently, my life has intersected, for the first time, with other ladies who have similar hurts in their pasts and deal with similar struggles in the aftermath. As we have talked with each other, something beautiful and amazing has happened. We have each been encouraged and built up in finding out we are not alone, that there are others who understand and are not afraid of the ugliness of our pasts. In speaking my story, no one has been discouraged and torn down. Rather, others have been encouraged and built up. The very Scripture used to keep me silent and protect those around me served only to tear me down and hinder the work of the Spirit.
To think that the story God is writing in my life, the redemption He has worked and continues to work, the way He is choosing to move in powerful ways in my life would bring others down is very limiting to God. It is simply ridiculous to think that God would use His story of redemption in the life of His children to tear His other children down. I can't say why this is how God is choosing to work in my life, but it is. To think that His work in the darkest corners of my soul would tear others down and discourage His saints just doesn't make sense. He is working in real and powerful ways in my life, and seeing Him work in such ugliness encourages His other children with just as much ugliness in their stories.
Being silent has served to discourage and tear me down. So many others are told to be silent and are walking around hiding, discouraged and being torn down on the inside where no one can see. The silence they are being forced into in order to "protect" others, is not protecting anyone but the one who told them to stay silent in the first place.
Sharing my story is serving to encourage and build up others who are walking a similar and difficult path. Listening to them share their stories with me is encouraging me and building me up to take one more step in my own journey. I certainly wouldn't encourage someone to tell the most personal parts of their story to every person they meet, but when you feel that nudge to share something with someone, don't hold back for fear of hurting them. Silence tears us down, but when we share the deep hurts we have and the deep ways God is working, we encourage one another and build each other up in the midst of the mess.
Yes, my story is painful to hear. It is not easy to tell, nor is it easy to listen to. But if you will sit through the hard parts, I will get to the parts where God works beauty out of it all. He isn't done working, and right now I don't see much of the beauty myself, but one step at a time, He is working and beauty is left in the place of the ashes He is combing through. In sharing my journey with those on similar paths, we are encouraged and we are built up in ways we never knew were possible. After years of being torn down inside, I am seeing God build up not just me but those around me through the story He is writing in my life and theirs. There is beauty unspeakable in the midst of the brokenness, for in the brokenness, He builds us up again.
After that, I gave up hoping that anything would ever get better. I thought it wasn't safe for me to be around other Christians if my past came with me. God was clearly not going to heal anything. I shouldn't be hurt to begin with. At that point, I stopped praying for help. I resigned myself to a life of hiding. I just gave up, and I was very careful to keep silent. I did not want to hurt other people with my story. I did not want to tear anyone down.
Last year, God moved my family and placed us at a church that, as it turns out, really does care. I have been unlearning a lot of lies that I never should have learned in the first place. I have seen first hand how the church should care and does care. I am learning that there is hope. God can heal. God does care. Even a past like mine is not beyond the reach of God.
But the lie that my story will only discourage and tear down others is one that has been hard to get past. I am getting real help now. In that process though, I have found times where I am afraid to be truthful for fear of tearing others down with my story. I have been encouraged to look at that counsel I received so many years ago and examine its truthfulness in Scripture, to question whether that counsel is right. I haven't really known exactly how to do that, but God has been faithful to teach me even as I haven't known how to go about looking for truth.
Recently, my life has intersected, for the first time, with other ladies who have similar hurts in their pasts and deal with similar struggles in the aftermath. As we have talked with each other, something beautiful and amazing has happened. We have each been encouraged and built up in finding out we are not alone, that there are others who understand and are not afraid of the ugliness of our pasts. In speaking my story, no one has been discouraged and torn down. Rather, others have been encouraged and built up. The very Scripture used to keep me silent and protect those around me served only to tear me down and hinder the work of the Spirit.
To think that the story God is writing in my life, the redemption He has worked and continues to work, the way He is choosing to move in powerful ways in my life would bring others down is very limiting to God. It is simply ridiculous to think that God would use His story of redemption in the life of His children to tear His other children down. I can't say why this is how God is choosing to work in my life, but it is. To think that His work in the darkest corners of my soul would tear others down and discourage His saints just doesn't make sense. He is working in real and powerful ways in my life, and seeing Him work in such ugliness encourages His other children with just as much ugliness in their stories.
Being silent has served to discourage and tear me down. So many others are told to be silent and are walking around hiding, discouraged and being torn down on the inside where no one can see. The silence they are being forced into in order to "protect" others, is not protecting anyone but the one who told them to stay silent in the first place.
Sharing my story is serving to encourage and build up others who are walking a similar and difficult path. Listening to them share their stories with me is encouraging me and building me up to take one more step in my own journey. I certainly wouldn't encourage someone to tell the most personal parts of their story to every person they meet, but when you feel that nudge to share something with someone, don't hold back for fear of hurting them. Silence tears us down, but when we share the deep hurts we have and the deep ways God is working, we encourage one another and build each other up in the midst of the mess.
Yes, my story is painful to hear. It is not easy to tell, nor is it easy to listen to. But if you will sit through the hard parts, I will get to the parts where God works beauty out of it all. He isn't done working, and right now I don't see much of the beauty myself, but one step at a time, He is working and beauty is left in the place of the ashes He is combing through. In sharing my journey with those on similar paths, we are encouraged and we are built up in ways we never knew were possible. After years of being torn down inside, I am seeing God build up not just me but those around me through the story He is writing in my life and theirs. There is beauty unspeakable in the midst of the brokenness, for in the brokenness, He builds us up again.
Bravo and AMEN!!!
ReplyDelete