Welcome...this is why I'm writing

     Welcome to my blog.  I'd like to be known as Beautiful Ashes for now.  The reason for that is my story is filled with hurt, brokenness, fires in life that have left behind a heap of ugly ashes.  However, my story is part of a much bigger story, one I could never write or dream.  My story is part of God's amazing story of redemption.  He has made my story beautiful.  The funny thing about life on this side of heaven, though, is that I can't see the beauty He's brought about in my story.  I can't see the redemption He has already accomplished in my story.  I know He already redeemed my story and will continue to do so until the final stroke of the pen.  But the ashes are hard to see though.  He is faithfully shining His light through the darkness.  He is slowly giving me clarity of sight in the midst of the ashes and revealing a beauty I cannot comprehend or imagine at this point in my story.
     You see, my story is one of abuse.  As a child, I was sexually abused by my gymnastics coach who was also a good friend of the family.  I am at a place right now where I am journeying towards a place of healing.  I am not there yet, and often times I feel like I'm never going to get there.  God is faithful though even in the midst of my doubts.  My voice was silenced with threats of punishment and harm and fear.  I kept quiet for many, many years.  I am just now learning that I can use my voice.  I'm learning what it sounds like, what it can say, how it can be used.  Just like my soul, my voice has been redeemed.  I'm learning how to use it as such.  Even when all I can muster is a whisper, I am going to keep fighting to speak and bring truth and light to the darkness.
     I find I think and speak best when I write.  Mostly I write poetry.  At times, I can't stop the spinning thoughts in my head to make any sense of anything.  But when I write, I find clarity.  Some people create pictures with a camera or a paint brush; I create pictures with the words I write.  As I journey towards healing and learn to use my voice, I am sharing it with any who cares to listen.  I pray others can find hope themselves.  This is my voice.  This is my story.  Redeemed.